10. Mar, 2022

Why this blog

There comes a point in life when you realise that the help you screamed for is not coming. As human beings we come to this world by ourselves and the chances are we will also leave it by ourselves. You come to a transition after so much pain has been inflicted that the next blow that comes does not make any more difference in the level of pain from the last one. When fear has been inflicted on you, and you have been fearful, when fear leaves you, and it no longer has any power over you. Then you come realise who better to stand for you than yourself, when you are faced with a mountain to climb, with little to no equipment, standing against others suited with the "supposed to be the best gear there is in the field".

My name is Nayang Moses. I am a 40year mommy to a beautiful 8year old little girl. We live just outside of Oslo in Norway. I am an abuse surviver who continues to live in abuse. Wow, that just sounded so hard to say. It is actually the first time i say it out this loud. You see, some abuse stories are unconventional and even become forbidden to talk about in the end. I guess it mostly depends on who the perpetrator is. The common abuse stories that we get cluttered with are those of domestic abuse. The topic becomes complicated when it spills into the macro environment to reach external parties whether online, workplace or systematic. The higher in hierarchy of the society it goes, the more forbidden it is to talk about it. Its as if it reaches a pinnacle of growth where the only option left is for it to be erased at all costs, than to be confronted. At this point it becomes even impossible for you to reach out for help if you are the affected party. When you have done everything in your power to get out of it, but the stakes seem to be too high for you to be allowed to talk. In todays complex world of technological advancement, where the manipulation and censoring is beyond imagination, you can never even be sure if the messages sent out reaches the intended recipient, sometimes because of the nature of the situation that one can find themselves in. With all this said, one thing i have learned is that, abuse is abuse, irrespective of who instigates it and the grounds they stand on.

The formation of this webpage is the last resort for me in seeking help after all doors i knocked on have either been closed on me, sometimes my attempts at making contacts met with silence and in some cases, the very people and systems that i went to for help, in turn escalated the abuse and even participated in it. I hope through this website i will reach the right avenues, and even get in contact and connected with humanitarian organisations and my suppressed voice will be heard after years of pain and despair, especially the last year, which has now instead cost me my rights as a parent to my child after I stood up to sound my voice. 

You see, my child has been taken from me by the very system that i stood up to, to ask for help from when the abuse that I (we) lived in got out of hand and we were basically terrorised. I stood up as a mother and parent when i recognised that the situation that i was in as a person and a mother was not conductive or even healthy for raising a child in. Instead i was attacked for imagining things. The most heart wrenching fact is that my child has not just been taken from me, she has recently been found with an undiagnosed lump in her lung. I say undiagnosed as she is now awaiting surgery to remove the lump and send it to pathology. It is not just the lump, she has been found to have scoliosis, which I have now also found out has affected me above other things. Prior to this discovery, she exhibited symptoms of not being well, as did i. As her mother I have tried to talk as to what could have affected us and I had my reasons for saying that, but no, I’m not supposed to. Not just what could have affected us, what affected us. Instead I have been made into a nut case and all kinds of untruths are being built about me and against me. No one has wanted to hear what I have to say, in some cases where I have tried to talk, it has been ignored, explained away and twisted around in front of my very eyes. 

I tried to sound the alarm of what happened to us, until i realised that the more i tried to open my mouth to tell the truth, the more i was risking being locked up in a psyche ward, as i was touching on a topic that is forbidden to talk about. To protect myself, I have had to refrain from saying certain things to people that i am supposed to have trust in, because from what I have gathered, the word radiation is a taboo that can earn you a one way ticket to psychiatry. At the time when I kept quite, I recognised and realised that I will never be able to stand up for my child while I am locked up in an institution for mentioning the word radiation, being medicated away and my voice being suppressed, all this based on distorted medical history that was suddenly being made up that even i was never aware of. My rights as her parent were taken from me in January when i went to home to seek safety in the comfort of my family, and medical help and to be in an environment where i could be feel free to talk. Me being stripped of my rights as her mother in actual sense translate to mean that I do not have authority to go and seek information directly regarding her health or have a say or even intervene in seeking any second opinion regarding her health. If this is not meant to finally break a human being, after all the cruelty inflicted on us, i do not know what is. I have to rely on third party information regarding the health of my precious child, which is vague to say the least.

When I stood up as her mother, I stood up because at the time I recognised the emotional, mental and potential biological effects that were posed on us by the abuse that we were exposed to. I now face a court case next month where I am facing a mountain of documents of assassination of my character that started to build up about me last March, after I reported abuse by invasive technologies that were in our life. When i stood up to report our pain, I had no idea what a dark world I had just fallen into. I later discovered what i had reported was not just ordinary technologies sold in the street. What i did not foresee was the toucher, further abuse and human cruelty that will befall us for standing up. These have included even insinuating that i will want to hurt myself and my child. Those unfounded claims were used to put an order on me to not be allowed to see the sickly child alone as her mother. As my child and I concurrently began to get sick, an order was made for me to not meet her by herself, as of today, im only allowed to see her for two hours every two weeks. To put icing in the cake, i am expected to sit in the same room with her father when I see her, the same man who has participated in the building of lies about me having been psychologically sick for years, a story that has shocked every one i have known since birth. I began to get physically sick at the end of last summer, as did my child. This same man has in some cases kept information about the child being sick from me, together with the very parties who instructed that my child be taken from me. Me being forced to have him in the visits with the child means, every communication I am to have with my child is to be monitored. What his motive in participating in casting doubt in my psychological health was, i guess we are yet to find out. The heartbreaking thing has been seeing his compliance in casting doubt when i tried to alert him about the childs health. The directive to keep my child from me was initiated by the very people who I have poured out to, about the kind of relationship that I have with him as her father. He is the same man who has been their choice man for reference about me as a person.

My child and I are sick, and we have both exhibited symptoms of radiation sickness which is forbidden of me to talk about, and there is no way as a mother i should allow myself to be bullied, threatened, oppressed and further abused to break me into silence. I may not have much, a foreigner, a woman, maybe not even the right pedigree and probably even supposed to be powerless, BUT before all these labels, I’m a mother. What kind of parent will I be if I accept to be silenced on an issue that has the potential to destroy my childs´ life and future, because when it mattered i was fearful of the powers i will be speaking to. I will not just say radiation out of imagination, i have my valid reasons for saying that. I have sounded the alarm on this even to the child authorities, no one has made an attempt to want to ask me further on the information i provided, instead, I have been ignored and further sidelined from the child. 

I am not a perfect person BUT I am a mother to my very core, I have done everything in my power to protect this child since I brought her into this world. This has included me sometimes maintaining silence on issues that have really hurt me deeply, but as a mother I had to sacrifice my self to foster a healthy environment for her wellbeing. This i guess is a topic on its own. Some have said I should keep quite, and i have been told i will be going against big powers where i will never win. This is not about winning, its about standing up for what is right. Yes i recognise the implications this will bring into my life, i also realise that i am going into an ambush of untruths and out of context documents that have been built up about me, some without my knowledge at the time. It can also be argued that i should not discuss issues to do with a child, i have tried all the "right" routes, and in my failure, this is where i have ended. As a parent, with my conscious i know it will be the biggest mistake of my life to do this in corner that i have been pushed in, without standing up for preserving my relationship with my child. I will be going against who i am as a mother if i allowed myself to be further bullied to silence because i am at a clear disadvantage. I may be at a disadvantage considering my situation but i am well educated, and no way with the knowledge that i have, will i be fearful for standing up against a wrong and injustice inflicted me and on the life of my child. If i and my child are to be treated medically it should be done in consideration with the facts that i bring at the table as a parent who has raised and cared for this child since birth. I hope some of the content in my blog will reach the relevant people of interest to the topics i will be sharing. I mostly hope to reach out to an organisation that can help us out and recognise the wrong, injustice and cruelty that is being inflicted on the lives of my child and i. I will mostly be touching on the topics of technology and its abuse, abuse in general, human rights issues as well as my personal story of motherhood and its intricacies. Said with outmost respect, i will produce content in the blog at my own pace, also considering the challenging process i am in, of my well being and that of my child.

I recognise that by creating this blog I open myself up for a serious life scrutiny, unflattering things to be said of me and all kinds of judgements about who I am. Preserving my vanity is the last thing i will ever think of over the precious life of my child. I am a grown up and I have already handled so much already, including ignoring painful narrations of who i am as a person. In short, i know who i am. Ego left me a long time ago, so in that sense, I am free in my spirit. What I am not willing to do as a mother is to sit in a corner and leave a legacy of silence to my descendants, where when a wrong and cruelty was silently being inflicted on us as human beings i chose the path of fear. This here is my childs´ life, mine may not be important to some, but the psychological and physical trauma being put on us and that we have been put through is beyond imaginable. There is no way any parent should be expected to keep quite out of fear, at the expense of the precious life they chose to bring into this world. This is a life i natured from inception and i am obligated to protect it as its care taker. I will die in the line of fire standing up for her. It has never been my intention to ever keep quite when a wrong is being done nor was i raised that way. Ive come to learn that everything has its own time in this life, and sometimes you will be pushed beyond the limits of your comfort zones, as i find myself where as a mother i cannot in my core let my limitations and weaknesses keep me in silence out of fear. Every major decision i have ever made since birthing this precious life has been centred around her needs. I do not have "the best gear for this mountain ahead of me", but i have its truth, and even if i come to defeat, i will know i stood up for her as it is my right as a parent. Lastly i hope some of my content will reach people who have also been in similar experiences that we are going through, though no story is the same, which is where our uniqueness is as human beings.

Why i stood up, i stood up for LOVE.

Nayang Moses